The Terror of First Drafts

I'm in the Doubting Phase

It’s funny how writer’s doubt can sneak up on you. Take yesterday.

I began my day with a great workout. I bounced home with a protein shake. I couldn’t wait to get to my computer and write the latest chapter of my new book. I slid onto my kitchen stool, opened the computer, reread what I produced last week and still felt pretty good. Not half-bad, I thought.

So I started to type out the next scene: two characters having a conversation about the resort where they’re staying but a chat really about what the two of them want out of life. I’m trying to illustrate their desires, who they are, and also lead the reader along to some action about to happen. I wrote a few sentences, then nitpicked them, trying to recast what they were saying. When I reread it, it was better but still not there.

Here I am this morning trying to put on a very positive face for my writing day.

This is a rough draft, I told myself. Let it be messy. That is my number one rule. Sure, it can be messy, a critical voice said, but it also needs to make sense. One thought led to another. Maybe this wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe the story was boring. Maybe no one would ever want to read this.

I closed the computer. Fifteen minutes later a member of my writing group named Jean sent this quote:

"Finish a draft, don’t stop. Don’t allow fear or feelings of inadequacy or life excuses to stop you. I’ve written four books now and it always comes down to, do I have enough fortitude to keep going until I figure it out? Finishing the first draft is always the hardest part. The inner critic is deafening and problems abound. You just have to keep going. Books are made in revision. Nobody gets it right the first time. You can fix anything. But you can’t fix something that isn’t finished. The feeling of finishing a book? There is nothing on earth that compares." -Signe Pike, author of The Shadowed Land

Could that be any more appropriate?

It was such a good reminder at just the right moment. The panic, the doubt…it’s all part of writing. It just is. There isn’t a writer on this earth who sits down and believes in everything they’re doing from the moment they begin. And I know that. But when you’re drafting, it’s so easy to forget.

So yes, I’m still in first draft panic. Plugging away.

Also, can I just say how much I love my writing group?

I’ve rejoined the original writing group that I was a part of when I was working on my first novel Summer Darlings several years ago. I’ve been through so much with this group of writers, and it’s so nice to meet up on Zoom once or twice a week and just write together.

Often fiction writers join writing groups so that we can share our work, but I LOVE reading the words of my fellow writers. There’s something so special about watching a work in progress take shape.

It’s why I’m SOOOO excited for my friend Jackie Friedland’s novel Counting Backwards to come out in March. Jackie and I are a part of a second writing group that I’m in—and I’ve been a part of Counting Backwards since Jackie was brainstorming the idea in its earliest form. It’s so incredible to hold the novel in my hand and see it up close. (You’ll be hearing more about this awesome book later in the winter!)

My husband and me. Look at this wallpaper at The Fifth Avenue Hotel. It was such a stunner although if I didn’t have points…I’m not sure I could afford it.

Can I tell you one more amazing thing?

My husband and I had the *best* night ever on Saturday. I’m one of those people who get really into travel planning, and I love to research the best hotels for our price point — and I build itineraries that make for a memorable vacation. It’s just something I love to do. Well, we live right outside New York City, and I wondered: If I was visiting from, say, Los Angeles or London, where would I want to stay?

I’m not really into some of the obvious contenders: the Ritz, the Mandarin, the Plaza, etc. That’s when I found The Fifth Avenue Hotel. We checked our Amex points, and we had enough to cover a night there. Enter in tickets to The Outsiders — best musical I’ve seen since Kimberly Akimbo — and an incredible dinner at trendy Ci Siamo; my friends just ran into Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys there on Christmas eve. So cool! After the show, which was incredible, we went back to gorgeous room. At eleven-thirty at night, we ordered homemade potato chips and dip from room service…just because we could.

We left at four on a Saturday, dropping the kids at my sister’s for the night, and we picked them up at noon the next day. It felt like we were gone three days.

If you need a date with your partner, I highly recommend finding a fabulous hotel near your house, scrounging up some cash + points, and have a staycation date!

Lastly, I finished All Fours by Miranda July.

Everyone loved this book. Well, not everyone. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I think there were some really powerful takeaways—and I’m glad she wrote it. She seems incredibly smart and she’s an insightful (and hilarious) writer. I would love to meet Miranda and chat with her about the writing process. Did she have a writer’s group read it and say: Yes, you should definitely leave the scene where she pees on him! It adds so much to the story. I’m 100 percent serious.

And her editor? Was there worse stuff taken out? Or did the editor leave notes in the text like…I don’t think she’d be this obsessed with Davey, pull back a little.

Maybe this is why the book is such a hit. Because it leaves you fascinated and hungry for more, even though you feel a little sick and wish you never read it.

Is anyone else watching The Bear?

I know I’m a little late here, but wow — it’s really powerful storytelling. Anyone who loves a good novel will love this television series that follows a young fine dining chef who decides to take over his brother’s brisket business when he dies. Just watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it. Each and every character is memorable and telling.

Okay, back to writing. As always, tell me what you’re writing, and if you enjoy reading Dear Fiction, please “heart” this post. It helps more book lovers find the site in Substack.

xo Have a great week!