Will I Ever Create Something Worthwhile Again?
I woke up feeling like I needed to talk.
One of the aspects of social media I hate is how perfect everyone looks on the outside — those glossy photos show nothing of how a person is really feeling. It’s a bit how I was feeling about Dear Fiction, too. I do want this newsletter to feel glossy and magazine-like because that’s my editorial background. I want it to offer book suggestions, publishing news, author interviews, and all fun things fiction.
But (BUT!!) I also realized this morning that I don’t want it to just be another pretty social media post. I want to get into the nitty gritty of the writing process, the torment and the joy that us writers feel as we create. In other words, let’s talk about the struggle, not just the victory. So here it goes.
There are many days that I don’t feel good enough. No matter how many books I’ve published, no matter how many articles I’ve written and no matter how prestigious the newspapers I’ve written for, I’ll type through my day wondering if anyone actually cares what I’m writing. I know, you do. You’re reading this. But the creative process is saddled with so much uncertainty. After the high of finishing a novel, getting it published, and even going out in the world and promoting, you’ll always be back at your desk. Alone. Staring at a screen and wondering if you’ll ever create something worthwhile again.
That is a feeling that dogs all writers and that is what I sit with today. And while I’m very good at coaching myself and cheerleading myself out of moments like this — I also want to recognize that it’s just part of the process. At the beginning of every new project, I will always torment myself with questions like: What if this is the book your editor decides you don’t know how to write? What if these characters are cliche? What if people laugh at me?
It doesn’t matter how much self-confidence you have. Your books are you, and if the world rejects your book, it really feels really personal. Let’s time travel for a second, and I will deliver a speech to myself.
Me, one year from now, talking to me (present moment). You will do this a fourth time. Because you love it. Because slogging through this uncertainty is exactly what makes writing novels so rewarding. Your next one will be better because you’re growing as a fiction writer. Just keep going.
xo